My Fantasy Toilet

I just found out that in Japan they have built a women's restroom that is surrounded by a salt water aquarium on three sides that has swimming fish and a turtle. It's a shitter's heaven. A sanctuary for people like me. And it's only for women. They did not build one for men.

This amazing bathroom is located at Mumin Papa Café in Akashi, Japan and was built in 2007. The owner of the cafe says it cost 30 Million Yen (approx. $270,000 at the time) to build, which is not in the budget of most restaurants. It’s filled with all sorts of exotic fish, including the “famous” male sea turtle that watching women to their business. Surprisingly, many women do not claim it impairs their duty or gives them stage fright. The surrounding aquarium was designed to mimic the feeling of relieving yourself while swimming in the ocean.

This makes me wonder why doctor's offices and people in America have not created one here. For people who suffer from IBS and visit bathrooms often, this type of bathroom would make me much more relaxed and not be so anxious when making multiple trips to the bathroom. I might actually look forward to going to the bathroom for a change. Now instead of reading magazines with stupid gossip or observing ceiling tiles, I can now mingle with the fishes and pretend I'm a mermaid and maybe instead of talking to myself, I'll talk to the turtle.




So if the bathroom cost $270,000 to build, I wonder how much the entrees in that restaurant cost.

Sugar Free Not For Me!!!!!

I decided one day that I would try to eat healthier treats so decided I would buy a bag of sugar free gummy bears. They were so delicious that I ate the entire bag within minutes and my tummy was happy. I was in a fake sugar coma.

A few minutes later and at least once every half-hour for the rest of the day, my tummy WAS NOT HAPPY! I stopped counting after my seventh trip to the bathroom.

What the hell was in the damn gummy bears???? I turned over the bag and read the ingredients. Nothing seemed out of th ordinary except in small letters at the bottom of the bag, it read "Consuming large quantaties may have laxative effect."

Oh, Lord what have I done? How could I have not read the ingredients? I always look at ingredients in foods because I am allergic to milk and Monosodium Glucamate gives me a headache, but not once did I think to research gummy bears and sugar free. They didn't have milk, so I scarfed them down, like a six year-old on Halloween night.

BIG MISTAKE!! Hours of agony ensued and it was the first and last time I ever ate sugar free anything again. I started to check all the bags of sugar free candies and treats and they all said the same thing. So Diabetics must be screwed as well. Why make it sugar free if it's going to be hell for you afterwards? I would rather just get the damn cavity that have this!

If anyone wants to go on a quick diet and lose three pounds in two days or if you are about to have a colonoscopy, no need for laxative pills and that disgusting liquid beverage, instead just grab a bag of delicious sugar free gummy bears and that should do the trick.

I'm stiking to my favorite, Haribo Gummy Bears. They have sugar, but Germans know good sugar, so I'm sticking with the Germans on this one.

Diving In

My boyfriend came home today from a two day trip to see his family. He visited a water park yesterday and had a blast. I am sure he rode everything and slid down every slide. He isn't scared of anything. I can see him on a 50 foot diving board. He wouldn't think twice and would jump with abandonment with a smile on his face.

I was stuck here working while he was out in the sun and in the water, two places that I wanted to be. I was getting ready to put his clothes in the wash. I pulled out his swim trunks from the laundry basket and I could smell the chlorine.

I picked up the swimming trunks, pulled them up to my nose. I closed my eyes and inhaled them for at least a minute. I was eleven again on the swim team, with my professional bathing suit, goggles tight and my family watching. I was about to race through the crystal pool ripples like a dolphin. I was stretching on the edge of the pool on that little mount, ready to hear the buzzer, fling like a bird and fly into the water, flex my legs, stretch my arms and swim.

I smelled his swim trunks just like a mother pulling out her box in the attic of baby clothes. She would hold them to her nose, close her eyes and remember a time that seems so long ago, but at the same time, it seems like just yesterday.

I was young again. I was free, flying in the waves and didn't have any worries. I only cared about the way I felt rushing through the water. My heart was beating fast, and adrenaline knew my name by heart. I was streaming ahead, legs graceful as I did the breast stroke. My hands went to the sides, pushing the water away, pulling down below and them coming back up, taking a breath and dancing in the water.

When I opened my eyes, with his swim trunks in my hands I realized that I was 32 in grey jogging pants and one of my boyfriends old t-shirts. I started to cry. I wanted to be that kid again, laughing with no health problems. I was never tired and loved it. I wanted that rush you got when the swim meet was over and I was so proud holding that ribbon for winning. It didn't even matter if I won, because I just got to swim and that was all that really mattered then.

What matters now is that I have to stand up, put on my bathing suit and walk to the diving board again. I will not be scared of the high dive and I will take the plunge. I will forget about illness and be free again.

We need to walk to end of the board and not look back, but run like an eleven year old would, jump and cannonball.