Friday, June 4, 2010
As an avid shitter, I have seen my fair share of restrooms and bathroom stalls and over time, I have developed a system of things you can do why incapacitated on public potty.
1.) Count tile squares in ceiling. Much like counting sheep.
2.) Count floor tiles. Try to figure out the patterns, different textures and color schemes. Note to self- liked the small blue tiles that I saw once in beach hotel. Pretty! I think they were glass.
3.) Create new song lyrics. Repeat so that you don't forget. Singing out loud is optional.
4.) Create grocery list, dinner menu, daily to-do list, poems, stories, etc.
5.) Daydream- My favorite
6.) Courtesy flush at least once, or twice if stinky. Be kind to bathroom neighbors.
7.) And lastly ten minute power nap. No snoring please.
Now if you are in a friend's bathroom or incapacitated in a bathroom in someone's home, there are many other enjoyable things to do while on potty.
1.) Always wipe seat off. Just because it's a house doesn't mean that the potty is clean. In some instances lining seat is necessary.
2.) Read magazines. Almost all people have magazines in the bathrooms. I have also been known to put all magazines in alphabetical and/or date order depending on the amount of time I am on potty.
3.) Change roll so that the paper comes from over, not under. It's the right thing to do.
4.) Read contents of any item that is close by. Bathroom spray, shampoo, soap dispenser, make-up, contact solution, etc. I have learned that Sodium Laurel Sulfate is only added to shampoos and soaps to create lather and that is it. I have also learned French and Spanish. Lavarse los manos means wash your hands and espuma y repita means lather and repeat. Of course, not sure when I will ever need to say that when speaking to Spanish people.
5.) Continue to count floor and ceiling tiles. I once tried to count popcorn on ceiling. This can be tedious, so I do not recommend.
6.) Lastly lavarse los manos y repita, then re-fold hand towel. I can't stand when the towel is not straight.