The one thing I am not and will never be is conventional.
My name is Christina and I am proud to say I will not conform.
I would rather birth books than babies. They pay better and most of the time, they don’t talk back.
I have decided after years of being a nanny, I love kids and they are the purest form of joy a mother can have in her life, but I am selfish and not afraid to say I don’t want to give-up my sleep, my time, my time to write, to love, to cook and to just be. Kids take all that you have and I would rather write a novel. This is not wrong. This is honesty.
I would rather make love than wage war. Making love is much more effective in ending a stand-off.
I would rather be nestled in my sweethearts’ arms, than out dancing at clubs having other men try to pick me up. I’ve been with my soul mate for 14 years. He makes me feel love every day, a deep beautiful love that makes my insides warm and alive. He is where my heart resides. I can turn on some music and dance with him and have a great time. He makes me laugh and no guy at any club can do that.
I will read and re-read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of kinky sex and bondage and I don't care who thinks it is “beneath me” or “something I should think twice about.” Those books were fantastic to read and brought more love, sex, laughter and security to my love life, all that from just a few books. Way to go E.L. James.
I would rather perform other people’s marriage ceremonies than get married myself. Marriage is a wonderful thing for anyone else but me. Why ruin a good thing? Walk away when you want, not when the lawyer you paid $10,000 tells you to. When you have worked, managed and arranged and performed as many weddings as me, you can live vicariously through other people’s weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I still cry most of time when the bride and groom give their vows. It’s a beautiful thing. Always will be!
I would rather work four small jobs than one big, boring one. I may get around in the job world, so call me a work slut. That’s OK with me. No desk will ever hold me hostage again, unless I am writing my novel. I used to work a job that may have paid the bills and given me health insurance, but I hated every minute I typed away at a keyboard. Every strike of the keys, took away a little bit of my soul. I said no and now have never been happier; I am now uninsured but my soul is whole again.
I would rather work part-time at the bookstore on Sunday, working a job that brings my heart peace and joy, than sit in a pew at church listening to things I don’t necessarily believe. Books feed my soul just as much as prayer will. I still have faith and pray regularly, I just don’t need a church to do it in.
Why, you ask will I not conform to what society and my church tells me to do? Because I can and I don’t care who disapproves. I may be poor and have a life where my hand is in more cookie jars than I can count, but that just means more opportunities for me and my future.
I do what makes me happy. I follow my dreams, I believe in love, long-term commitment, writing and working a job that brings me the purest kind of happiness, like glacier water in my soul. It’s pure and right.
I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I am in love or a bunch of money in the bank to tell me I am worth something. When you have love and you feel happiness in all the veins of your heart, the rest will fall in to place.
Don’t conform. Be yourself and when you are, no one can bring you down or make you feel bad. You have to take risks. Stop being scared and stop trying to do and be what you think others want you to be. BE YOU. BE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF! Remember the saying from the movie The Lion King, “Akuna Matata?” It means no worries, so adopt this philosophy and when you stop worrying so much, you will start living.
I am lucky. I am happy. I am in love. I am blessed. I feel free. I have a plaque on my desk that says it all,
“Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build you wings on the way down.”
Take the leap and see what happens next.
